There's been a dearth of good bard jokes lately. I've tried to come up with some "So a bard walks into a bar" jokes but can't quite get them right. How about this one:
Top 10 Things Real Adventurers Say to Bards While Recruiting at the Tavern:
10. Just leave the pitcher.
9. Do you have my change?
8. How many ranks do you have in Profession: Bootblack?
7. I left your money on the dresser.
6. Sorry, your body weight will put me over a medium load.
5. Ok, enough with the lute; demonstrate your torch grip.
4.
3.
2.
1. Next!
Okay, so that's only 7. Submit your own! Fun for the whole family.
Editor's Note: This post not approved by the official fiance of the DM.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
"wanna earn some ranks in perform(flute)?!"
1: Yes, I will have fries with that.
2: When a fellow party member gets charmed and starts attacking you, do you -
a) use your musical ability to try and counter/dispel the magic in some way
b) try to disable him via sleep or some other means
c) run around in circles and stay out of stabbing range
d) cast Phantasmal Killer
Can you play "Drop your weapons and stand still, so my friends can slit your throats?"
Recruiter: Ok, Mr. 'Bard,' if you had to, say, rate your adventuring 'experience' on a numerical scale, 1 being the lowest, 20 being the highest, where exactly would you rate yourself?
Bard: Oh, definitely a 16. My life has taken me in many directions, I have come far, and learned much. I was a master piper in the Battle of Engeldorn. I carried with me The War Harp of Angrelshlam against the orcish hordes of Vlabberhagen. My very voice has been know to Inspire Courage, Competence, Greatness, and Heroics! I am among the greatest of all bardic spellcasters!! The Korregan Kettle Drums of Yitzlesprakshamboozle were placed in my charge as I led the forces of the Great Grey Prince across the desert of Palshiveck!!! My knowledge of many subjects will be a boon to you and your companions! Finally, I am extremely charming, and have been known to change the minds of even the most stalwart of monarchs with a gentle song or soothing poem. With me and my help, you will be able to accomplish any task, no matter how daunting!!!
Recruiter: The day is ours!!! First we are off to that scary cave of pigmy kobolds!!!
Bard: Eeewwwweeeeeeey!!! Kobolds are gross!!! I won't have to touch one, will I? They are stinky and slimy!!!
Andy wins.
Post a Comment